can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
