you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm at about main and main street
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
