My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You took a bar mat shot.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
