is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
