You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
