Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My ass is underappreciated
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
