he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
