is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
