The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
