I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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