well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
