my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
