Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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