Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
