I'm going to jail i love you
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
