Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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