Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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