Where did you get a picture of my penis
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
