I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize