somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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