I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
