I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
