I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Is that strawberry winking at me??
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
