I can't watch pbs sober anymore
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I want her autograph on my taint
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
