I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
