i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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