Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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