I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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