You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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