If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
