Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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