definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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