David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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