that's an acceptable place to lick
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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