Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
