Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i out mim tonsoeep
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