Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
