Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
