we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
