Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
