I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
