I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
