How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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