she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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