i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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