I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
