She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
