i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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