i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
