i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome