I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????