She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?