Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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