I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
