I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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