I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize