i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
