its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
