College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
