it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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