A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
