Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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