You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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