'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
