i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
