u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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