My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
