Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
