we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
